Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sports, "Hunt's Grunts"

Talk, talk, talk

 

By Hunt Archbold

Another college basketball season is upon us, and every year at this time I’m reminded of those magically lisp-filled moments a dozen years ago when I gave it a go as the Auburn University women’s basketball team’s radio color analyst. That first exhibition game with me behind the mic pitted the Lady Tigers against Club Shelan, a Russian team featuring such surnames as Khvostov, Arkhipova and Shchegolva.

I butchered them all, and things didn’t get a whole lot better later in the season. I recall then-Auburn assistant and current Georgia Tech women’s head coach MaChelle Joseph politely telling me, “You might want to stick to writing, Hunt.” As correct as she might have been, it wasn’t one of Hall of Fame coach Joe Ciampi’s better teams, a fact that might make the old Shakespearean phrase about not shooting the messenger rather applicable.

But really, who these days is pleased with the way their sports information is delivered? A recent sampling of blogs and ensuing comments might lead one to believe that ESPN’s Chris Berman is the spawn of Satan himself. As one post surmised, “I wish Berman would step, ‘back, back, back, back’ so far that he’d fall off a cliff and … never be heard from again.”

Howard Cosell may have been the most loathed sports announcer of all time, but it would have to be a mighty spacious broadcast booth to squeeze in every talking head who’s drawn the ire of the listening public. Some, such as the much-maligned Dennis Miller and Tony Kornheiser, or the retired John Madden and Bill Walton, are no longer in the business of calling games. Others, though, are still very much in the public eye. When it comes to hoops, it’s difficult to determine who makes fans want to pour concrete in their ears more: Billy Packer or Dick Vitale.

Some would rather listen to Vogon poetry than be subjected to the likes of Joe Theismann, Paul McGuire, Chris Collinsworth, Dan Dierdorf, Al Michaels, Brent Musburger, Lou Holtz or Lee Corso analyzing football games. Joe Morgan makes some viewers want to take a fungo bat to their skulls, while tennis analyst Mary Carillo could possibly be the second most mocked sports commentator on the airwaves.

That’s only because Pam Ward is first. So ridiculed is Ward (and almost exclusively by male fans) that the Web site AwfulAnnouncing.com bestows a weekly honor—called “The Pammies”—on the announcer with the biggest on-air gaffe from the previous week. These are the kinds of ideas that are born from small-minded folks who feel a woman’s place in the sport and business of football is to dance provocatively on the sidelines.

It’s not like Ward said Tim Tebow goes to Georgia, as Verne Lundquist did recently; or was commenting on Britney Spears’ career during the final play of overtime of the Bulldogs’ win at Alabama, as Mike Patrick did two years ago; or ignorantly speculated that perhaps Juan Pablo Montoya was “out having a taco,” as Bob Griese did last month.

But while the sidelines are filled with female reporters, the broadcast booth in the press box has long been reserved for men. Except, that is, for Ward, who for the better part of the decade has been calling college football play-by-play for ESPN. No, she’s no Pat Summerall, Curt Gowdy or Keith Jackson, but neither is she the lesbian antichrist whose evil agenda is to ruin the game of football.

When I listen to Ward, I hear an individual calling a football game in a detailed manner, one who doesn’t try to overshadow the game and gives ample room for the color analyst to deliver his points. I wonder why those with bigger prostates than IQs can’t hear the same.

And really, regardless if it’s Ward or Jim Nantz, Marv Albert or anyone else with a headset and a mic, does it even matter? Do we really need to get that worked up about what these people are saying or how they say it? Some of you might remember almost three decades ago when NBC broadcast a Jets-Dolphins game with no announcers, and the sounds from the stands and the PA announcer served as the sole audio. Would that be such a bad direction to go?

Utilize graphics and maybe mic up the coaches and about a dozen players, and this could possibly be the way that football and sporting events were meant to be enjoyed. Instead of letting the announcers guide the flow of the game, the story and the drama would emanate from the heart of the contest: the participants themselves.

I doubt we’ll see that happen anytime soon, though. With so, so many games broadcast each week, announcers look to be forever in high demand. And many of them will continue to receive their share of criticism.

After the 1997-98 Auburn Lady Tigers’ season concluded with a 16-10 overall record and the fewest home wins in coach Ciampi’s 25 years at the school, he disgustedly turned down a bid to the Women’s National Invitational Tournament. Sitting in his office that day with others, a reporter asked what had gone wrong that season. Ciampi glared at me and responded, “It was because we had a new radio guy. But we’ll change that next year.”

And they did.

Happy times … and testing, testing, 1-2-3. Is this thing even on? SP